"What cannot be said will be wept" -SAPPHO

I've never really felt this way before....
This looming, head in the clouds, focusing on my sad life type of mood. i cant shake it, either. i have been feeling like this for a few weeks now and every time i try and think past it. a huge tidal waves of feelings sweep me away and i am lost for days.

I am currently 33 weeks pregnant and for the past few weeks couldn't deal with the idea of being a mom of 5. in fact every day for the last few weeks all i could think about was "why would i put myself through this again" i have had nothing but pain through this pregnancy. My body hurts from top to bottom and i am just so over whelmed with everyday tasks and doings that i cant imagine giving birth to this baby at a time like this..

I went to my regular doctors appointment this week and talked to him about how i have been feeling. i honestly feel no connection to this baby. it has not always been this way, its like one day i woke up and i felt this way.. i feel like my body is not my own most days.. My doctor says that i am dealing with Maternal depression, and has referred me to a specialist.. i met with the specialist earlier this week, and she assured me that there is something that can be done... i have had daily phone calls with my specialist, and will go into counseling this week... Not really sure why i felt the need to share all of this.. Actually no one but my husband knows whats going on with me.. Maybe sharing with a bunch of strangers is "healing " for me.. People don't really know what to say when they hear "you are depressed" i don't really like to say that word either.

i feel like i am just in a funk, a serious one.. anyways that's all for now.. if you read this say a prayer for me or send some good vibes. -Cec

Comments

How much is TOO much..

So in my family there are A LOT of Alcoholics, and sometimes its just too much for me..So what do you do about taking what those people say, while there in that state of mind, with a grain of salt? Because sometimes i just want to straight up sucker punch them in the face! Dont get me wrong now, im not opposed to drinking ..Having a drink with friends and family is fine with me, BUT drinking everyday to get drunk just doesn't cut it..And i hate the excuse, i work all week, im tired so i deserve a drink. okay yes it may be true you may work so hard you feel a drink will calm your nerves but seriously get drunk every time?!? Then i have those in the family that get drunk and... A. Talk a lot of crap about people non stop B.could care less what anyone is talking about and want the attention on themselves C.Repeat themselves over and over D.become very abusive to anyone an...

Can i get a snow day from this snow day...

Never fails, Texas weather always puts a damper in my plans. Tuesday called for dental appointments for the little ones (not in school) a dine in lunch date and maybe a trip to target.. after all 3 kids are a piece of cake VS 5 and why not take advantage. Buuuuuuut NO! Texas decided to shut down its entire system due to dangerous weather conditions.. It literally was like 70 degrees yesterday, my kids were playing outside in shorts. in shorts you guys! BAM today its 25 degrees, sleet, snow and icy roads. Oy snow days are not for the weak. having to entertain 4 children who cant play outside alllllll day and throw in a 6 month old who is the sweetest cutest spoiled little thing who likes, scratch that DEMANDS to be carried all hours of the day. My older two who are in school kicked nap time to the curb once they started school for obvious reasons. So getting them to nap along with the younger siblings is like pulling teeth.. haha seriously! Id like a snow day from this ...

"Thats just the way my family is"

I'd like to begin with saying, "Don't let people treat you poorly because you love them". In the past 7 years i have learned a lot about "Family dynamics" from merging my family with my husbands. It has been an interesting 7 years let me tell you.. Some things i have learned about peoples view on "family dynamics" is they are not always the best thing AND i really believe people believe they are doing well when they treat someone the way they treat them.. With that being said, i have learned a lot of what to do and what not to do.. Let me tell you, i was raised in a home that exhibited love, weather it was love through discipline or genuine love.. I can not remember a specific time i went without communicating how i felt about a certain thing or situation. Growing up in a house full of sisters one older than me and four youn...

Cecily

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